I Don't Believe in This Afterlife

Paul W.S. Anderson claims to be a "big fan" of the Resident Evil games, however like a father encouraging his son to live his life while he constantly undermines everything he does, his actions betray his words.  I'm sure his intentions are good, but as they say, the road to hell is paved in good intentions.  Apologists for his Resident Evil movies will say "lighten up, it's based on a video game, it doesn't have to be smart." I'm so tired of that argument.  Just because a movie's based on a video game, doesn't mean it has to be mindless action with no coherent plot.   Roger Ebert once said video games will never be art.  That may be true, but most of them do have a story to tell.  And if these stories are to be given any justice on the big screen, filmmakers can't shit the source material.  The worst thing about this is that I had to pay 3D prices to see this movie (it's not being shown in a regular format). So am I going to have to buy a 3D TV to watch this when it comes out on DVD? Not likely, because I'm never going to watch this movie again.

Alice (Milla Jovovich), the main character of the previous installments returns in this one looking prettier than ever.  She has ruby-red lipstick, makes a "duck-face" when she fights, and wears a designer pilot outfit.  In a post-apocalyptic world infested with zombies, who has time to get dressed specifically to fly a plane? Even her clones all have matching outfits, hairdos, and flawless skin. We get it Paul Anderson, your wife is hot, can we move along with the movie please? Anyway, the beginning of the movie takes place in Japan.  The Alice clones infiltrate Umbrella's underground facility in an attempt to enact their revenge on one Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts who does a commendable portrayal).  What's not clear is what is Wesker's position in Umbrella's corporate structure? We don't know, but the clones need someone to blame.  They wreck havoc on the facility, and kill the guards using guns, throwing stars, psychic abilities, and slow-motion.  These clones treat their lives with reckless abandon; jumping backwards out of a window while shooting at nothing,and detonating explosives in close proximity to themselves.  When one dies, another takes it's place.  It's okay, because all know clones have no soul.  Once the kamikaze clones do their job, we're conveniently left with one Alice to follow.  Somehow, she makes it to Alaska on a single engine plane and while there she meets up with an old friend, Claire Redfield (Ali Larter).  However, something has happened to Claire that prevents the two of them from catching up on old times.  Good, because who wants the character's gap between "Extinction" and "Afterlife" to be bridged with needless dialog?  In any event, after this non-reunion, and without refueling, they fly to LA in search of the fabled safe haven known as "Arcadia."

While in LA, they "crash" land on the roof of a building, and meet up with a group of survivors.  This group include a Hollywood producer (Kim Coates), a struggling actress (Kacey Barnfield), and a famous athlete (Boris Kodjoe) to name a few.  Apparently LA is filled with cliche archetypes.  They use an unnecessarily 30-story high prison as a place of refuge from the zombies, and the interior of this prison has like 100 torches scattered about.  At the bottom of the prison, locked in a cage, is Chris Redfield (Prison Break's Wentworth Miller).  Oh I get it; Wentworth Miller played a character known for breaking out prisons and Chris... Forget it.  Chris and Claire are siblings, but you wouldn't know it by the way they act.  At least Claire has a reason for being emotionally distant.  The group finds the location of Acadia, and have to fight their way through hordes of zombies, and a curiously placed hooded axeman, known as the "Executioner" in the games, to make it there.  Wait, why is there an axeman in the middle of LA in the first place?

That's what this movie does, it treats the game like a bargain bin and takes the elements deemed "cool" and shoehorns them in without any explanation, or context.  Nothing is explained; I know what they mean because I played and beat EVERY GAME in the series.  Paul Anderson, who only directed this and the first installment, but who has written the screenplay for every single one makes these movies stand-alone.  Meaning, each movie feels self-contained and doesn't carry on from the previous installment.  Any connection between the movies is tenuous at best.  Characters are just empty shells being used as nothing but props in the action scenes.  Alice is the only consistent character, and she's as lifeless as the zombies shes killing.  She herself is a killing machine; she only gets more powerful with every movie.  And any gamer would agree it's no fun playing a game that provides no challenge, likewise, its no fun watching a movie in which the hero/heroine go unchallenged.  The Resident Evil games pioneered the survival-horror genre.  In the older games, the ammo was scarce, the healing items where few and far between, and the enemies were powerful.  It put you in a constant state of danger and unease.  Hell, in order to conserve your ammo you couldn't kill everything you saw, sometimes you just had to run... That is unless you cheat.  And that's what Alice is, a cheat.  Instead of a main character that's fragile, and can be overwhelmed  at any time we're given one that does the overwhelming.  That would be okay if this movie wasn't called RESIDENT EVIL.  If you take away everything that's "Resident Evil" about these movies, aside from a few terms, nothing will have changed. And that's when you know something is wrong.  Another thing I had a problem with were Umbrella's motives.  First of all, this company seems to have unlimited resources.  They blow-up facilities that have a cost equal to that of the death star, but always have a backup facility to retreat to.  In the games Umbrella, and later Tricell, have unlimited resources, but they don't live in a post-apocalyptic world with no society and no economy in which to make money.  But the movie's Umbrella some how makes money while at the same time seem hellbent on destroying humanity.  So I guess they want to be the leading pharmaceutical company in a world devoid of human life? Makes sense.

Visually, this movie is much more crisp than the previous installments, but can't come close to the 3D in "Avatar."  In a lot of scenes, actors look like they were superimposed on the background.  And the depth of the 3D itself? Mediocre at best.  Paul Anderson has shown he could direct a good movie (see the criminally underrated Event Horizon), but in this movie he does too much of the same thing.  Every 5 minutes there's a slow-motion scene, and if there's a bullet fired or projectile thrown, you bet your ass we're following it's trajectory.  "I'm interested in the fate of this particular bullet."  This is only slightly better than those type of slow-motion scenes which look like they're missing a few frames.  The only thing I will give him credit for is a fight scene near the end of the movie; very stylish even though it was ripped straight from the game.

This movie, like the series as a whole, will divide fans of the Resident Evil video games.  It's sad to see what the movie franchise of my favorite video game series has become, but as long as they keep making money, they'll keep being made.  Paul Anderson wants to make 6 altogether.  With two to go, one can only hope that at least one of the two will do the video games some justice.  But by then they'll cease being "Resident Evil" movies and start to take on a life of their own...What am I thinking? They already have.

BACM Alert!: Since when could a black man dunk an airplane?

When In Rome

Those who are fans of HBO's "Rome," or Starz's "Spartacus" will be pleased with "Centurion." It doesn't have the narrative of "Rome," nor the trashy-goodness of "Spartacus," but what it takes from both of them is violence. And boy does it have a lot of it.

The story follows a group of roman soldiers trapped behind enemy lines. Outnumbered, they must trek through enemy territory to rescue their general, Virilus (Dominic West), who was captured following an ambush. This group is lead by Quintus Dias (Michael Fassbender), who previously survived a raid on his fort by the Pictish, before escaping and being rescued by General Virilus and his 9th Legion. General Virilus, a man's man, was summoned by Julius Agricola (Paul Freeman), a Roman Governor. He was then given the task to go on the offensive, and wipe out the Picts, for no reason other than to help Julius return to Rome. It seems like this is the motive of EVERY Roman politician outside of Rome. Accompanying his legion is the female tracker, Etain (Olga Kurylenko), a Pict herself who now helps the Romans (think Wes Studi in "The Last of the Mohicans"). She may look pretty, but when she screams, you see how dirty her teeth are, and think to yourself "I wouldn't want to kiss that."

The plot is very solid, but nothing special and the cast do their best with the material. Voice-Over narration by Michael Fassbender's character, Quintus, is heard throughout the movie. It's not overly done, and serves it's purpose by giving us insight to Quintus. He's the typical roman soldier, honorable and filled with national pride. You have no problems rooting for him. Etain, has no tongue, so we don't have to hear Olga Kurlenko speak. All she has to do is make intimidating faces that look more cute than menacing. The rest of the cast is solid, and there's even a black guy in the legion! Guess what happens to him. Every roman solider speaks with an English accent, while the Picts sound Scottish. This isn't "Mel Gibson's Centurion," so I have no problems with this. After all, this is an English speaking film. My only gripe is that not enough attention is paid to the characters before they start dying off.

Director Neil Marshall (The Descent) really knows how to give his films a sense of dread and unease. Like "The Descent," the protagonists of "Centurion" are chased, and have to survive in an environment they know nothing about. This film is also gory as hell. Heads are not only decapitated, but are diagonally cut in half. Swords go through bodies like they're 99% liquid, and limbs are easily detachable. Hell, even being pushed into a tree while running will result in a blood splatter. One thing this film does not lack is ways to kill people. The kills are very much the highlight of this film, and the blood here is not as cartoonish as the blood in "Spartacus." Primarily shot in the forests of Hampshire, England, "Centurion" is very pleasant to look at; the cast is surrounded by tall trees, and snowy mountains. This accentuates the battle sequences and makes them more enjoyable.

"Centurion" contains everything you expect in a film about Romans: blood, betrayal, even a hint of politics – but sorry, no sex. But it has a very by-the-books story arc, and it's characters lack emotion. Aside from Quintus, it's hard to feel for any character, but the movie doesn't care about that. It's a gritty period action flick, and if you like violent deaths, you won't care either.

The Quiet American

“The American,” directed by Anton Corbijn and based on the Novel “A Very Private Gentleman,” is the latest George Clooney movie in which he plays a solitary, emotionally distant individual.  But what should’ve been an intriguing assassin movie set abroad turns out to be dreary and lifeless thanks to a story that movies at a snail’s pace.

Jack (Clooney) is relaxing in a warm cabin with a naked woman, Ingrid (Irina Björklund).  They’re in the snowy mountains of Sweden, and seem like a very passionate and romantic couple.  The next morning, while walking, Ingrid notices some tracks in the snow, and Jack knows exactly what they mean.  They quickly take cover before nearly being hit by a sniper’s bullet.  Jack pulls out a gun, stealthily takes out the sniper, tells Ingrid to call the police, and then callously takes out Ingrid.  By the way this isn’t a spoiler; this happens within the first 5 minutes of the movie.  And because we know who jack is, a hitman, we can make the connection that Ingrid had no idea who he was, and thus needed to be eliminated to prevent him from being identified.  After seeing this, we realize Jack is the real deal, and will do whatever it takes to maintain his anonymity.  The assassins he killed are Swedish, but we don’t know why they wanted him dead.  Maybe like Cobb from “Inception” he screwed up a job they gave him… Who knows?  At any rate, he’s forced to flee to Italy until the heat dies down.  He contacts his employer, who in turn sets up a safe house for him in a town located in the Italian countryside.  Then a whole lot of nothing happens.

While in hiding, Jack is tasked for one last job; he doesn’t have to kill, instead he has to construct a weapon which will be used by another assassin.  He keeps to himself for the most part, while occasionally gathering materials needed to complete his job.  Maybe I’m missing something, but why does Jack have to make this weapon in the first place?  Anyway, he comes in contact with Mathilde (Thekla Reuten), the assassin whom will be using his weapon, and they talk about how the weapon should be created.  Then we see how Jack uses everyday items to create the weapon.  It’s all interesting, and really shows the ingenuity of Jack, but the problem is a good part of the movie is dedicated to this, which gets boring after a while.  In between creating this weapon, he meets a priest (Paolo Bonacelli) that’s a little too nosey (and could use a little more sleep), and starts a relationship with a prostitute named Clara (Violante Placido), however his employer told him no more “friends” after what happened to Ingrid.  It’s hard to tell when Jack and Clara’s relationship stopped being professional, regardless Jack is never certain if Clara’s feelings for him are genuine, but eventually drops his guard and starts to think of life beyond that of a hitman.

The plot has the makings of a good thriller, but the wheels never start rolling until maybe the last third of the movie.  There are a few suspenseful scenes here and there, but they’re sandwiched in between the tediousness which is Jack’s life (the lack of music makes this worst).  Jack is not an enigmatic character; he’s dull and monotonous, unlike most of the characters George Clooney plays.  Because of this George Clooney can only work within the confines of this boring character.  However, when the movie finally picks up, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, and allows Jack to show off his skills.  But by then you’re wondering how much longer can this movie last?

The opening and closing minutes of “The American” make for a solid thriller, but what we’re stuck with in between is a border-line cliché in plot (a hitman leaving his profession for the love of his life), and a boring main character.  Also, the ending may leave some feeling bitter.  Not to spoil anything, but it ends abruptly, and makes you feel like you’ve wasted your time.  On the plus side, the poster’s really cool.

Everyone out of the Theater!...Umm I Mean Water

PIRANHA 3D ( R )

BY M.J. GREENE

Premise

After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the areas new razor-toothed residents. The film stars Jessica Szohr (Gossip Girl), Steven R. McQueen (The Vampire Diaries), Elisabeth Shue, Jerry OConnell, Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd, and Kelly Brook.

After viewing a special screening for "Piranha 3D", I took it upon myself to look up the ecology of piranhas and - just as I suspected- Piranhas, the carnivorous creatures that they are, CAN LIVE MILLIONS OF YEARS IN AN UNDERWATER CAVE, PRODUCING LEGIONS OF OFFSPRING, WITHOUT A SUSTAINABLE FOOD SOURCE OR CANNABILIZING EACH OTHER TO EXTINCTION! 

Hey, at least, this is what director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes) wants you to believe. Now don't get me wrong, I happen to love movies that smell of camp and crap - especially, horror movies. I didn't watch "VAN HELSING"  for its performances ( even though I wasn't aware it featured Frankenstein's monster hamming scriptures from the book of Lamentations), so why start now. With a title like "Piranha 3D", I only looked forward to three things: 1) Bloody, Bloody, Gore 2) T's&A's and 3) Ving Rhames... Using a boat propeller to kill piranhas then turning it on the audience. That's it!
Unfortunately, I received that and more.

"Piranha 3D" tries to embrace exploitation and camp, but fails in that regard due to poor direction  (and the film thinking that it's cooler than what it is). The movie, which takes place in a sleepy town named "Lake Victoria", begins with an inside joke. A fisherman and apparent shark survivor (Richard Dreyfuss, 35 years removed from Jaws with a phone in his pocket) drinking away his troubles, when he witnesses an earthquake. Subsequently, this earthquake creates a rift in the bottom of the lake and out come the piranhas - who procedd to tear Mr Holland a new opus. This pretty much sets the tone for the movie. After the first death scene, it feels like 40 minutes before we witness another. 


Elisabeth Shue plays Sheriff Julie Foster, who is getting her department prepared for incoming college students who will be dumping money in the town's other wise lifeless economy for spring break. Her chief Deputy, played by Ving Rhames, (who looks like he swallowed his horse from "Rosewood" Booker T) is the department's Bad-ass with a permanent mug. Her son is an unpopular nerd named Jake, who, by the way, is so mature that he pays his little brother and sister sixty dollars to watch themselves while he goes and meets up with porn director Derrick (O'Connell) (in order to show him the hot spots around the island to shoot his "wild wild girls" episodes.) For some reason Jake's high school love ends up on the boat with Derrick and a couple of models who in real life would be way too old to be doing videos like this instead of porn. Skipping to the parts of peril... The Sheriff finds the dead body of the fisherman, calls in - you guessed it - Marine Biologists(???)   Anyway, they go looking for the rift, while the Sheriff's little kids end up deserted on a island, and so on. 


The death scenes are make even less sense than the plot:  (Spoiler Alert!) The piranhas finally get to the irritating, punk-ass college kids by somehow tearing them in half without eating through bone; A girl's hair gets caught in a propeller pulling her face off in the process; legs are devoured to the bone; "Hostel" director Eli Roth gets his head smashed by a boat for no apparent reason; and a piranha decides to eat a floating penis.... And proceeds to turn to the audience, knowing we're looking at it through cheap, plastic 3D glasses, and spit it out towards the theater. Not to be outdone, Christopher LLoyd chews up more scenes in 10 minutes, than the piranhas do throughout the whole movie. There are about a hundred things that I can mention about "Piranha 3D" that made the movie worse than what it actually was...and those are the actual piranhas! 

Fatal Frame - "Death at a Funeral" bites...the dust.

Okay, I tried to give this movie a decent, if not good review.  I really tried!  I even forced J.G. to watch it with me - knowing that he walked out of it in the theaters.  I mean, a cast with Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Kevin Hart, Danny Glover, Zoe Saldana, etc.?  God, help me, I really tried.  But, alas, I could not.

"Death at a Funeral" a remake of the 2007 British movie, was, for me, one of the biggest disappointing movies of this year.  It's about a son (Rock), who has to preside over the funeral of his father, while simultaneously trying to step out of the shadow of his famous brother (Lawrence) and deal with the many unbelievable mishaps that happen before, during, and at the conclusion of these services.  I can't go into more detail about the plot, because, well, I wasn't really paying attention.  The movie was so bland and unfunny, I kept forgetting I was watching it.  I cleaned up; logged onto Facebook; even got a head start on my 2010 taxes - all while trying to force myself to sit through the entire 92 minutes it took for this train-wreck to end.  The only time I became genuinely interested in this movie, was to figure out how and why Regina Hall's skin kept getting lighter in every scene.

So, since I can't say much about the storyline, let me spend the rest of this review talking about the actors.  Hmmmm...geewhiz...where should I start?  Well, Loretta Devine is Loretta Devine is...Loretta Devine.  No surprises here.  She plays the same consistently likeable character in every movie, and she was the only one that didn't disappoint me.  Chris Rock did the least amount of yelling that I've seen him do in any movie, but, strangely enough, it was a little creepy.  He was almost too subdued for himself. 

Martin Lawrence acted as if he was stuck in the 90's.  The same facial expressions.  The same dated jokes.  He reminded me of his TV character so much, I half expected him to refer to himself as "Ol' Marty-Mar".
James Marsden (Cyclops from the X-Men movies) spends half of the movie high off of acid that he and everyone else mistakes for Valium.  A third of that time, he embarrassingly spends naked on the roof - his legs and thighs so hairy, he looks like a wild-eyed satyr (that drunk and horny man-goat thingy from Greek mythology).  Tracy Morgan plays the same, lovable dummy he plays in all his movies (save for the varying degrees of mental retardation.)  It's a wonder why they listen to him when, after hog-tying the secret, dwarf, gay-lover of the deceased father (yes, it comes to that), he suggests that they force-feed him the "Valium" that he found in a bottle outside.   (Off-The-Cuff-Rant:  Why does almost everyone in this movie mistake this bottle of acid for Valium.   Did the label on the bottle say "Valium"? Seriously, I'm asking because, I didn't care enough to rewind.  Even if it did, who gives prescription Valium from some unknown person to another person for any reason that doesn't involve homicide?  Okay, I'm done.)   Everyone else is just bad and not at all worth mentioning. 

With this much talent involved, I don't know how "Death at a Funeral" 2010 happened the way it did.  The only person I feel sorry for is not Danny Glover (he should know better), but Ron Glass (From TV's "Barney Miller and "Amen")  I know somewhere in director Neil Labute's coercion of Ron to act in this movie, were the words "You know, you're not getting any younger..."
In the end, the only purpose this movie served was to make me ask myself the question "Was Luke Wilson ever funny???"

"Death at a Funeral" is more than just unentertaining.  It's unforgettable.  And with a cast this talented and this funny, that makes this tragedy - almost - unforgivable.

Wanna See Topless Chicks in Their Underwear?

Then this movie is for you, because that's all this movie contains. Just chicks tied up in a "crucified" position. Plot? What plot? There is no plot! All you get is some religious symbolism BS, and some quasi-satanic dialogue spewed from a guy wearing a skull mask, with an upside down cross on it. If you have the fortitude to sit through this movie in it's entirety then 1) You are an objective movie-watcher, willing to give ANYTHING a chance, or 2) You were somehow involved in this so-called project. Now, there's nothing to say you can't make a good movie on a shoe-string budget, but it's painfully obvious from the first 30 seconds that no effort whatsoever was put into this movie. This movie has the worst, stilted acting I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing. So, unless you're desperate to see topless, semi-attractive chicks in bondage (rent a porno for God's sake!), avoid this movie at all costs. Or, just take LSD, and watch this with a bunch of friends. Who knows, you just might understand this movie.

One Word: Overkill

Here’s an idea: what if the top action stars of the 80s were all in one movie and you surround them with the likes of Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Terry Crews? You get “The Expendables.” Stallone teams up with a myriad of action stars, and with their collective box-office-biceps deflating, he creates the most over-the-top, mindless action movie in recent years.  Not since 2008’s “Rambo” have we seen bullets with the ability to make heads explode. 

The plot of “The Expendables” is as such: a group of grizzled, joking mercenaries are hired to rid an island of it’s dictator.  Admittedly, not the most original premise, but it allows actor-director Sylvester Stallone to do what he does best, which is kill.  One thing a good an action movie needs is catchy names, and this movie does not disappoint.  Stallone plays Barney Ross, along with him are Jason Statham as Lee Christmas, Jet Li as Ying Yang, Dolph Lundgren as Gunner Jensen, and Randy Couture & Terry Crews as the double entendre named Toll Road and Hale Caesar.  Plus “Stone Cold” Steve Austin shows up as a henchmen named Paine.  Those names are up there with the likes of “John Matrix” and, well “John Rambo.”

Barney and his crew are mercenaries, but act more like a biker gang.  They hang out at Mickey Rourke’s bar (belonging to his character, not the actor) to throw darts, and shoot some pool in between missions.  You don’t know much about how they all came together, but that’s irrelevant: they kick ass.  Barney, their leader, meets up with a mysterious man in a church to hear an offer for a job.  This man names himself “Mr. Church,” and is played by Bruce Willis.  This is the heavily advertised scene between Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger, and it’s exactly what you would expect it to be.  They trade jabs, and always try to one-up each other.  The scene ends with an allusion to Schwarzenegger’s real-life.  You would have hoped that Willis and Schwarzenegger had more to do, but it was good while it lasted.  Maybe their characters will pop up in a possible sequel.  Barney accepts the job to take down this island dictator, and his benefactor, played with certain sliminess by Eric Roberts.

“The Expendables” handles the action scenes fairly well.  The impact of bullets and knives are emphasized for maximum effect.  There are also a couple of good, well-placed scenes, including ones involving a seaplane, and a car chase with a vintage pick-up truck.  The only thing that was lacking was the fight scenes.  You’d expect a movie with Jason Statham and Jet Li to showcase their respective talents.  Statham beats up a group of men playing pickup basketball, and we’re teased with a fight scene between Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren, but that’s about it.  Stallone himself also looks awkward whenever he has to run, but then again the guy is 64-years-old.  However, from then on it’s about guns and knives.  One particular sequence in which Terry Crew’s character, Hale Caesar, uses an automatic shotgun to decimate his enemies stands out among the rest.  Before, he muses about how difficult it would be for a man to remain calm when hearing the sound of that gun.  How right he was.  I would like to say this movie stays way from CGI, or what CGI it does use is seamlessly integrated, but that isn’t the case.  In a couple of shots during the end, the CGI is painfully obvious (pun intended).  Also, for a movie called “The Expendables,” it’s heroes are awfully resilient.

With “Rambo” and now “The Expendables,” Stallone proves himself to be a competent action director, although he tends to film his actors too close.  If a mindless action movie was a sandwich, I would order it: “light on the plot, heavy on the bullets, with a side of Mickey Rourke,” and the guy taking my order would be like: “Oh, you want The Expendables?”

Scott Pilgrim saves the summer - Review of "Scott Pilgrim vs The World"

Going into this movie, I admittedly had conflicting expectations.  The professional adult in me knows how disastrous these types of movie adaptations can be and expected the worst.  The former (and, apparently current - according to my friends) comic book/video game nerd in me was eagerly anticipating a movie, broadly entertaining enough to redeem the likes of "Max Payne", "Ghost Rider", and (shudder) "Double Dragon", and prove to the world that indeed, it is hip to be square. My inner cb/vg nerd was vindicated through Edgar Wright's fast-paced, funny, and innovative movie, "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World".  Not the least bit familiar with the Bryan Lee O'Neil graphic novel of the same name (I still don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing), this movie has definitely sparked my interest.  

Michael Cera pulls off Scott Pilgrim as a passive-aggressive, reluctant ladies man.  Scott Pilgrim, the wimpy, slacker, lead bassist in a unknown garage band, has found  love in his cold, snowy  hometown of  Toronto, Canada.  Unfortunately, the heart of this mysteriously strange new girlfriend, Ramona Flowers (played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead) comes at steep price - battles, to the death, with all of her seven evil exes.  On top of all that, he has to deal with other 22 year old normal life issues like gossipy frenemys, stage fright, coordinating apartment time with his socially-busy gay roommate (hilariously played by Kieran Culkin - who, incidentally, looks like a "Surrogate" version of Matt LeBlanc), getting over the heartbreak from his famous old girlfriend, and how to dump his hyper, but cute new girlfriend (Ellen Wong) for his "new, new" girlfriend (Winstead).

The visuals are awesome, the characters are witty and likeable, the soundtrack is amazing, and all of the nostalgic references to 80's-90's video games and cartoons (The band is named the "Sex Bob-ombs" and their first song is called "Launchpad McQuack") made the inner cb/vg nerd in me scream with dorky delight.  The lines between reality and fantasy are blurred in this movie, so not everything is going to make sense (kind of like a video game), but if you don't spend your time analyzing every inconsistency and go with the flow, you will undoubtedly enjoy the ride. 

This move rates # 3 in my list of best movies of the year, so far (right after "Inception" and "Toy Story 3".  It definitely made up for a fairly bland summer of movies.  In the main event of "Scott Pilgrim vs The World", Scott Pilgrim saves the summer, and the winner is - everyone.

Review of "Undefeatable" (Is that even a word?)

   This review is of the 1993 value-meal budget movie from director Godfrey Ho, who has brought the B-Z movie world many gems, such as: "Kickboxer King", "Kickboxer from Hell", "Little Kickboxer", and "Thunder Ninja Kids: The Hunt for the Devil Boxer". It's about a woman, who goes on a quest to find and kill the serial killer, rapist, and martial arts expert (???) who murdered her sister.
   After watching this, at the suggestion of J. G., I can honestly say that this is some of the worst acting and directing I have ever seen in a movie! It also has the worst action scenes, editing, and, possibly, the worst movie quote (What's Stingray have eyeballs in a fish tank for?") in cinema history. It seems as if everyone in the movie is either a student or an instructor in some type of martial arts dojo (even the psychology professor knows martial arts), and they decided to pool their tax refunds together to make the worst Kung Fu movie of 1993.
With that being said, this was one of the funniest movies that I've seen in my life! If you like to watch awful movies and laugh until your stomach hurts, please go get this movie! As long as you're not expecting a good (or even slightly decent) movie that makes any kind of sense, whatsoever, you won't be disappointed.

Welcome!

Welcome to The Greenescreen:  Movie reviews from three movie-buff siblings.  Stay tuned for future postings!