I Don't Believe in This Afterlife

Paul W.S. Anderson claims to be a "big fan" of the Resident Evil games, however like a father encouraging his son to live his life while he constantly undermines everything he does, his actions betray his words.  I'm sure his intentions are good, but as they say, the road to hell is paved in good intentions.  Apologists for his Resident Evil movies will say "lighten up, it's based on a video game, it doesn't have to be smart." I'm so tired of that argument.  Just because a movie's based on a video game, doesn't mean it has to be mindless action with no coherent plot.   Roger Ebert once said video games will never be art.  That may be true, but most of them do have a story to tell.  And if these stories are to be given any justice on the big screen, filmmakers can't shit the source material.  The worst thing about this is that I had to pay 3D prices to see this movie (it's not being shown in a regular format). So am I going to have to buy a 3D TV to watch this when it comes out on DVD? Not likely, because I'm never going to watch this movie again.

Alice (Milla Jovovich), the main character of the previous installments returns in this one looking prettier than ever.  She has ruby-red lipstick, makes a "duck-face" when she fights, and wears a designer pilot outfit.  In a post-apocalyptic world infested with zombies, who has time to get dressed specifically to fly a plane? Even her clones all have matching outfits, hairdos, and flawless skin. We get it Paul Anderson, your wife is hot, can we move along with the movie please? Anyway, the beginning of the movie takes place in Japan.  The Alice clones infiltrate Umbrella's underground facility in an attempt to enact their revenge on one Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts who does a commendable portrayal).  What's not clear is what is Wesker's position in Umbrella's corporate structure? We don't know, but the clones need someone to blame.  They wreck havoc on the facility, and kill the guards using guns, throwing stars, psychic abilities, and slow-motion.  These clones treat their lives with reckless abandon; jumping backwards out of a window while shooting at nothing,and detonating explosives in close proximity to themselves.  When one dies, another takes it's place.  It's okay, because all know clones have no soul.  Once the kamikaze clones do their job, we're conveniently left with one Alice to follow.  Somehow, she makes it to Alaska on a single engine plane and while there she meets up with an old friend, Claire Redfield (Ali Larter).  However, something has happened to Claire that prevents the two of them from catching up on old times.  Good, because who wants the character's gap between "Extinction" and "Afterlife" to be bridged with needless dialog?  In any event, after this non-reunion, and without refueling, they fly to LA in search of the fabled safe haven known as "Arcadia."

While in LA, they "crash" land on the roof of a building, and meet up with a group of survivors.  This group include a Hollywood producer (Kim Coates), a struggling actress (Kacey Barnfield), and a famous athlete (Boris Kodjoe) to name a few.  Apparently LA is filled with cliche archetypes.  They use an unnecessarily 30-story high prison as a place of refuge from the zombies, and the interior of this prison has like 100 torches scattered about.  At the bottom of the prison, locked in a cage, is Chris Redfield (Prison Break's Wentworth Miller).  Oh I get it; Wentworth Miller played a character known for breaking out prisons and Chris... Forget it.  Chris and Claire are siblings, but you wouldn't know it by the way they act.  At least Claire has a reason for being emotionally distant.  The group finds the location of Acadia, and have to fight their way through hordes of zombies, and a curiously placed hooded axeman, known as the "Executioner" in the games, to make it there.  Wait, why is there an axeman in the middle of LA in the first place?

That's what this movie does, it treats the game like a bargain bin and takes the elements deemed "cool" and shoehorns them in without any explanation, or context.  Nothing is explained; I know what they mean because I played and beat EVERY GAME in the series.  Paul Anderson, who only directed this and the first installment, but who has written the screenplay for every single one makes these movies stand-alone.  Meaning, each movie feels self-contained and doesn't carry on from the previous installment.  Any connection between the movies is tenuous at best.  Characters are just empty shells being used as nothing but props in the action scenes.  Alice is the only consistent character, and she's as lifeless as the zombies shes killing.  She herself is a killing machine; she only gets more powerful with every movie.  And any gamer would agree it's no fun playing a game that provides no challenge, likewise, its no fun watching a movie in which the hero/heroine go unchallenged.  The Resident Evil games pioneered the survival-horror genre.  In the older games, the ammo was scarce, the healing items where few and far between, and the enemies were powerful.  It put you in a constant state of danger and unease.  Hell, in order to conserve your ammo you couldn't kill everything you saw, sometimes you just had to run... That is unless you cheat.  And that's what Alice is, a cheat.  Instead of a main character that's fragile, and can be overwhelmed  at any time we're given one that does the overwhelming.  That would be okay if this movie wasn't called RESIDENT EVIL.  If you take away everything that's "Resident Evil" about these movies, aside from a few terms, nothing will have changed. And that's when you know something is wrong.  Another thing I had a problem with were Umbrella's motives.  First of all, this company seems to have unlimited resources.  They blow-up facilities that have a cost equal to that of the death star, but always have a backup facility to retreat to.  In the games Umbrella, and later Tricell, have unlimited resources, but they don't live in a post-apocalyptic world with no society and no economy in which to make money.  But the movie's Umbrella some how makes money while at the same time seem hellbent on destroying humanity.  So I guess they want to be the leading pharmaceutical company in a world devoid of human life? Makes sense.

Visually, this movie is much more crisp than the previous installments, but can't come close to the 3D in "Avatar."  In a lot of scenes, actors look like they were superimposed on the background.  And the depth of the 3D itself? Mediocre at best.  Paul Anderson has shown he could direct a good movie (see the criminally underrated Event Horizon), but in this movie he does too much of the same thing.  Every 5 minutes there's a slow-motion scene, and if there's a bullet fired or projectile thrown, you bet your ass we're following it's trajectory.  "I'm interested in the fate of this particular bullet."  This is only slightly better than those type of slow-motion scenes which look like they're missing a few frames.  The only thing I will give him credit for is a fight scene near the end of the movie; very stylish even though it was ripped straight from the game.

This movie, like the series as a whole, will divide fans of the Resident Evil video games.  It's sad to see what the movie franchise of my favorite video game series has become, but as long as they keep making money, they'll keep being made.  Paul Anderson wants to make 6 altogether.  With two to go, one can only hope that at least one of the two will do the video games some justice.  But by then they'll cease being "Resident Evil" movies and start to take on a life of their own...What am I thinking? They already have.

BACM Alert!: Since when could a black man dunk an airplane?

When In Rome

Those who are fans of HBO's "Rome," or Starz's "Spartacus" will be pleased with "Centurion." It doesn't have the narrative of "Rome," nor the trashy-goodness of "Spartacus," but what it takes from both of them is violence. And boy does it have a lot of it.

The story follows a group of roman soldiers trapped behind enemy lines. Outnumbered, they must trek through enemy territory to rescue their general, Virilus (Dominic West), who was captured following an ambush. This group is lead by Quintus Dias (Michael Fassbender), who previously survived a raid on his fort by the Pictish, before escaping and being rescued by General Virilus and his 9th Legion. General Virilus, a man's man, was summoned by Julius Agricola (Paul Freeman), a Roman Governor. He was then given the task to go on the offensive, and wipe out the Picts, for no reason other than to help Julius return to Rome. It seems like this is the motive of EVERY Roman politician outside of Rome. Accompanying his legion is the female tracker, Etain (Olga Kurylenko), a Pict herself who now helps the Romans (think Wes Studi in "The Last of the Mohicans"). She may look pretty, but when she screams, you see how dirty her teeth are, and think to yourself "I wouldn't want to kiss that."

The plot is very solid, but nothing special and the cast do their best with the material. Voice-Over narration by Michael Fassbender's character, Quintus, is heard throughout the movie. It's not overly done, and serves it's purpose by giving us insight to Quintus. He's the typical roman soldier, honorable and filled with national pride. You have no problems rooting for him. Etain, has no tongue, so we don't have to hear Olga Kurlenko speak. All she has to do is make intimidating faces that look more cute than menacing. The rest of the cast is solid, and there's even a black guy in the legion! Guess what happens to him. Every roman solider speaks with an English accent, while the Picts sound Scottish. This isn't "Mel Gibson's Centurion," so I have no problems with this. After all, this is an English speaking film. My only gripe is that not enough attention is paid to the characters before they start dying off.

Director Neil Marshall (The Descent) really knows how to give his films a sense of dread and unease. Like "The Descent," the protagonists of "Centurion" are chased, and have to survive in an environment they know nothing about. This film is also gory as hell. Heads are not only decapitated, but are diagonally cut in half. Swords go through bodies like they're 99% liquid, and limbs are easily detachable. Hell, even being pushed into a tree while running will result in a blood splatter. One thing this film does not lack is ways to kill people. The kills are very much the highlight of this film, and the blood here is not as cartoonish as the blood in "Spartacus." Primarily shot in the forests of Hampshire, England, "Centurion" is very pleasant to look at; the cast is surrounded by tall trees, and snowy mountains. This accentuates the battle sequences and makes them more enjoyable.

"Centurion" contains everything you expect in a film about Romans: blood, betrayal, even a hint of politics – but sorry, no sex. But it has a very by-the-books story arc, and it's characters lack emotion. Aside from Quintus, it's hard to feel for any character, but the movie doesn't care about that. It's a gritty period action flick, and if you like violent deaths, you won't care either.

The Quiet American

“The American,” directed by Anton Corbijn and based on the Novel “A Very Private Gentleman,” is the latest George Clooney movie in which he plays a solitary, emotionally distant individual.  But what should’ve been an intriguing assassin movie set abroad turns out to be dreary and lifeless thanks to a story that movies at a snail’s pace.

Jack (Clooney) is relaxing in a warm cabin with a naked woman, Ingrid (Irina Björklund).  They’re in the snowy mountains of Sweden, and seem like a very passionate and romantic couple.  The next morning, while walking, Ingrid notices some tracks in the snow, and Jack knows exactly what they mean.  They quickly take cover before nearly being hit by a sniper’s bullet.  Jack pulls out a gun, stealthily takes out the sniper, tells Ingrid to call the police, and then callously takes out Ingrid.  By the way this isn’t a spoiler; this happens within the first 5 minutes of the movie.  And because we know who jack is, a hitman, we can make the connection that Ingrid had no idea who he was, and thus needed to be eliminated to prevent him from being identified.  After seeing this, we realize Jack is the real deal, and will do whatever it takes to maintain his anonymity.  The assassins he killed are Swedish, but we don’t know why they wanted him dead.  Maybe like Cobb from “Inception” he screwed up a job they gave him… Who knows?  At any rate, he’s forced to flee to Italy until the heat dies down.  He contacts his employer, who in turn sets up a safe house for him in a town located in the Italian countryside.  Then a whole lot of nothing happens.

While in hiding, Jack is tasked for one last job; he doesn’t have to kill, instead he has to construct a weapon which will be used by another assassin.  He keeps to himself for the most part, while occasionally gathering materials needed to complete his job.  Maybe I’m missing something, but why does Jack have to make this weapon in the first place?  Anyway, he comes in contact with Mathilde (Thekla Reuten), the assassin whom will be using his weapon, and they talk about how the weapon should be created.  Then we see how Jack uses everyday items to create the weapon.  It’s all interesting, and really shows the ingenuity of Jack, but the problem is a good part of the movie is dedicated to this, which gets boring after a while.  In between creating this weapon, he meets a priest (Paolo Bonacelli) that’s a little too nosey (and could use a little more sleep), and starts a relationship with a prostitute named Clara (Violante Placido), however his employer told him no more “friends” after what happened to Ingrid.  It’s hard to tell when Jack and Clara’s relationship stopped being professional, regardless Jack is never certain if Clara’s feelings for him are genuine, but eventually drops his guard and starts to think of life beyond that of a hitman.

The plot has the makings of a good thriller, but the wheels never start rolling until maybe the last third of the movie.  There are a few suspenseful scenes here and there, but they’re sandwiched in between the tediousness which is Jack’s life (the lack of music makes this worst).  Jack is not an enigmatic character; he’s dull and monotonous, unlike most of the characters George Clooney plays.  Because of this George Clooney can only work within the confines of this boring character.  However, when the movie finally picks up, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, and allows Jack to show off his skills.  But by then you’re wondering how much longer can this movie last?

The opening and closing minutes of “The American” make for a solid thriller, but what we’re stuck with in between is a border-line cliché in plot (a hitman leaving his profession for the love of his life), and a boring main character.  Also, the ending may leave some feeling bitter.  Not to spoil anything, but it ends abruptly, and makes you feel like you’ve wasted your time.  On the plus side, the poster’s really cool.