One Word: Overkill

Here’s an idea: what if the top action stars of the 80s were all in one movie and you surround them with the likes of Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Terry Crews? You get “The Expendables.” Stallone teams up with a myriad of action stars, and with their collective box-office-biceps deflating, he creates the most over-the-top, mindless action movie in recent years.  Not since 2008’s “Rambo” have we seen bullets with the ability to make heads explode. 

The plot of “The Expendables” is as such: a group of grizzled, joking mercenaries are hired to rid an island of it’s dictator.  Admittedly, not the most original premise, but it allows actor-director Sylvester Stallone to do what he does best, which is kill.  One thing a good an action movie needs is catchy names, and this movie does not disappoint.  Stallone plays Barney Ross, along with him are Jason Statham as Lee Christmas, Jet Li as Ying Yang, Dolph Lundgren as Gunner Jensen, and Randy Couture & Terry Crews as the double entendre named Toll Road and Hale Caesar.  Plus “Stone Cold” Steve Austin shows up as a henchmen named Paine.  Those names are up there with the likes of “John Matrix” and, well “John Rambo.”

Barney and his crew are mercenaries, but act more like a biker gang.  They hang out at Mickey Rourke’s bar (belonging to his character, not the actor) to throw darts, and shoot some pool in between missions.  You don’t know much about how they all came together, but that’s irrelevant: they kick ass.  Barney, their leader, meets up with a mysterious man in a church to hear an offer for a job.  This man names himself “Mr. Church,” and is played by Bruce Willis.  This is the heavily advertised scene between Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger, and it’s exactly what you would expect it to be.  They trade jabs, and always try to one-up each other.  The scene ends with an allusion to Schwarzenegger’s real-life.  You would have hoped that Willis and Schwarzenegger had more to do, but it was good while it lasted.  Maybe their characters will pop up in a possible sequel.  Barney accepts the job to take down this island dictator, and his benefactor, played with certain sliminess by Eric Roberts.

“The Expendables” handles the action scenes fairly well.  The impact of bullets and knives are emphasized for maximum effect.  There are also a couple of good, well-placed scenes, including ones involving a seaplane, and a car chase with a vintage pick-up truck.  The only thing that was lacking was the fight scenes.  You’d expect a movie with Jason Statham and Jet Li to showcase their respective talents.  Statham beats up a group of men playing pickup basketball, and we’re teased with a fight scene between Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren, but that’s about it.  Stallone himself also looks awkward whenever he has to run, but then again the guy is 64-years-old.  However, from then on it’s about guns and knives.  One particular sequence in which Terry Crew’s character, Hale Caesar, uses an automatic shotgun to decimate his enemies stands out among the rest.  Before, he muses about how difficult it would be for a man to remain calm when hearing the sound of that gun.  How right he was.  I would like to say this movie stays way from CGI, or what CGI it does use is seamlessly integrated, but that isn’t the case.  In a couple of shots during the end, the CGI is painfully obvious (pun intended).  Also, for a movie called “The Expendables,” it’s heroes are awfully resilient.

With “Rambo” and now “The Expendables,” Stallone proves himself to be a competent action director, although he tends to film his actors too close.  If a mindless action movie was a sandwich, I would order it: “light on the plot, heavy on the bullets, with a side of Mickey Rourke,” and the guy taking my order would be like: “Oh, you want The Expendables?”